I Wish I Could Paint!

I wish I could paint. There are many things here that are so beautiful,
so colorful, and many times so sad, but how can I capture these
moments? I wish I could paint pictures of children pushing pot lids
down the dirt runway, or playing soccer in the sand. Of drums being
played through the night, or kids wrestling in the streets. How can I
paint the cries of women in the village who are heard but never helped,
or children being beaten for not having water boiled in time? I wish I
could help them, but what can I do? I wish I could paint every wrinkle
of an old woman's face, a face which has seen much life, death, joy,
sadness, abuse, love, work and neglect. I look into the eyes of a woman
who has lost her sight, and think of how beautiful it would be for her
to see, or what it will be like when Christ comes and she will also have
her hearing back; what a joyful day that will be...if only I could paint
it. I wish I could paint the dancing flames of a bush fire at night,
how it playfully casts the shadows of children on the trees, or how it
sends little orange sparks into the sky and gives life to the night.
How can I paint a picture of a woman who is nine months pregnant going
out to the fields to work all day, or the man who has done everything he
can to provide for his 14 children, yet they are hungry. How do I paint
starvation and sickness, laughter and tears? A boy who has been crippled
his whole life, but yet is filled with joy and smiles every day. How
can I paint a picture of a man who has lame hands and can't walk well,
but still comes to work to earn money to eat and live? It takes him
hours, but he presses on in the hot African sun. How do I paint
pictures of a corrupt government, or an illiterate culture? How do I
paint pictures of the mangoes growing on the trees, or the dried smelly
fish in the market? I wish I could paint the sounds of laughing and
chanting by the fire, or laying on mats under the stars. How can I
paint a shooting star, or dirt clouds so heavy that you think it will
rain. I wish I could paint the leaves falling off trees in January, or
the sweat that never leaves your body because it's so hot all the time.
There are so many things that I wish I could share in pictures, things
that will help you grow, shake your faith, make you weak. Things that
will make God more real, more alive, and more awesome! I wish I could
paint.

Naomi

I have never met anyone like this woman. Naomi truly has God in her
heart. Her father was Tchadian, but moved to Nigeria and started a
family there. While Naomi was growing up her father told her that he
wanted her to move to Tchad one day to marry and take care of the land
that he owned there, and so 11 years ago she came to this country to
start a new life. Although she spoke many languages from the time she
spent moving around with her father in the army, she didn't know any
languages that would help her here in Tchad. Everyone treated her
different because she looked like them but couldn't communicate, and
didn't know the ways of this country. She went from toilets to bushes,
from stoves and ovens to open fire, and from beds to mats. Her time
adjusting here was hard, but through it she found a husband and now has
4 amazing boys. Through her rough times she praises God for all He does
and never hates anyone. She has so many reasons to be angry, but she
never is. Her husband would beat her for not having the food when he
wanted it, or for not massaging him, and she still praised God. Almost
7 years ago, while she was pregnant with her last son, her husband left
her. A single mother, in Tchad, and with 4 boys is not a combination
for success, but she continued to praise God. She learned local
languages, and worked to provide for her kids, and is an amazing
mother! She's been working with the white people for a few years now,
and she has been such a blessing with translating and spreading God's
love. Because of her work with the white people here, she has been
blessed with many things, but when you visit her house, you would never
see any of it. She is such a caring woman, and when she sees need and
hurt, she helps. If someone gives her clothes, she gives them away, if
someone gives her food, she shares it, if someone helps her with money,
she helps others. Her whole life is about serving others. This last
Sabbath she invited Matthew and I over to her house to eat, and when we
got there, there was a feast set before us! So much food, and she even
went out and bought us expensive meat because she wanted to give us the
best. Wow, someone who doesn't have much, gave so much! It was the
most fun I've had on a Sabbath since I got here! We ate till we
couldn't eat anymore, and then drank juice, and laid on mats singing and
learning different songs, and then after a few hours we were eating
again. I didn't want the day to end. All of us were taking pictures,
laughing, drinking juice, and being a family. Despite everything that
has happened in her life that could make her angry and bitter, she loves
more than anyone I've ever met! She has a heart for all people, and
wants to help them know God better. Her children are loved more than
any other Tchadian child, and love her more than most kids love their
parents. Her oldest son once told her that they didn't need food, only
each other and they were happy. Her family from Nigeria don't come to
visit her, and tell her that she needs to come home because Tchad isn't
a good place to live. While that might be true, she won't leave because
she knows that she is making a difference that no on else can make. She
isn't looking for an easy life, but a full life. A life filled with
God, love, care, and trust in the One who has brought her through
everything. Naomi is my sister, and I praise God that I have been
blessed enough to know such an amazing woman.

Mangoes!!!

I LOVE MANGOES!!!!! I waited for mango season for 7 months and it's
finally here. Before I came to Tchad I didn't even know mangoes grew on
trees...just kidding, I knew that, but I really
didn't know how amazing it is to watch mangoes grow. They start out as
little green dots on all of the trees, and then those dots grow for
months, and get bigger and bigger, and finally weigh down the trees so
much that some branches touch the ground. It's been mango season here
for almost 2 months, and even though they were expensive at first,
they've been down to 5 cents...for 2 mangoes! I eat mangoes everyday,
as many as I want, and I love it. One day I ate 15, and I thought that
was pretty amazing, but the other day I ate 20, and I thought that
was...well, really stupid! Let's just say my stomach didn't thank me,
and since I didn't bleach the mangoes before I ate them I might have
some parasites living in me right now...I'll let you know about that
later. Women here buy over 160 mangoes for only $6. I just want you
all to understand that we are bursting at the seams with mangoes! I'll
walk past people and just tell them to give me a mango, and then they'll
hand me ten. Or kids will come to my hut and give me some of the
mangoes they just got off the trees. For the months of mango season,
this is all some of the people eat, but they're happy and their stomachs
are full. Oh, and because of those unbleached mangoes...I did suffer
for 6 days, but no worries, that's over now. The variety of mangoes
here is so big. Some little, some big, some weird tasting, and some
super awesome tasting ones, all different because they were designed by
the locals differently. The people will take a branch from one mango
tree and graft it onto a different mango tree, and then when the tree is
ready to make baby mangoes they're different than all the rest. I just
ate one the other day that was bigger than both of my fists and smelled
glorious! Well, Matthew said it tasted like fuel, but hey, I really
liked it! We've been blessed for almost 2 months with amazing mangoes,
but the season is almost over. The mangoes are becoming more expensive
again, the kids aren't coming to my house to give me mangoes, and soon
there will by hungry tummies again, but for these months, we have all
been blessed. I praise God for the little things...like millions of
mangoes! I'm so glad that I've been able to take and taste all the
different mangoes, and have been filled completely with the amazingness
of it all. God is waiting to fill each of us with His amazingness too,
but unlike mangoes, there is no season for Him, no right time to call
upon Him. He wants to fill each of us for the rest of our lives, and
trust me, it's way better than mangoes.

Funniest Thing Ever!

Okay, so yesterday I was taking a shower, and this three year old boy
named Sagesse was playing by some huts not too far from me. Well,
there was also this huge brick stack, and since it hid him from his
friends, he decided he was gonna go there to take a poop. Well, I could
totally see him, and when he realized this, he got embarrassed and kept
on playing with his friends...while his pants stayed down by his
ankles. He came back behind the stack of bricks and squatted, but saw
me again and got embarrassed. When the people make bricks here they
dick big holes and use that dirt to make the bricks. So he climbed into
one of those big holes, and disappeared for about five minutes. When he
popped up again I could see the satisfaction on his face as he pulled
himself out of the hole. Well, 5ft from the hole, he stopped and picked
up a plastic bag, pulled down his pants, and wiped his little butt! I
guess he forgot that I was still showering and still could see him. He
dropped the plastic bag, and grabbed a stick, but obviously that didn't
work well, because he went for a piece of bark. None, of those really
did much more than cause some scratches though, so he finally went for
the leaves. I was watching his the whole time, it was hilarious! It
made me think of how hard it is sometimes to get rid of all the junk
that we have in our lives. We try so many things to make us clean, but
there's only One who can wipe away all our dirtiness.

Termites!

So whenever I think of termites, I think of wood eating little insects
that can cause havoc. Well, now that I've been here for 8 months, I see
termites in a whole new light. I didn't know that termites will eat
anything! I'll throw my mango seeds on the ground, and a couple of
hours later I'll come back to termite dirt surrounding the seed. When I
touch it, there's a hollow middle, and no more mango seed. Two Sabbaths
ago, I woke up to the kids at my house taking out big loads of dirt from
my sister's hut. They told me it was termites making a nest in her hut,
but well, I've been here for so long, and I know that termites are in
all huts, so I didn't really think anything of it. Two days later, I
see them doing the same thing. I walked into her hut I just saw this
dirt pile taking form on one wall. It was 1ft tall, 4ft long, and 2ft
wide. it was crazy! As they were taking this mud house apart there
were millions of termites! Some of the bigger ones they were taking and
putting into a pot for later, and the rest they just took outside. But
obviously, taking them outside didn't help, because the next day they
were back with almost the same amount of mud for their house. I think
my family has given up though, so the nest is still there, and there are
still millions of termites. When I walk into the room, and step next to
the nest, I can hear them scurrying from one side of the nest to the
other, almost like a drizzle of rain on a tin roof. In my hut, the
ceiling is wood, grass, and mud, and for the past couple of months I've
heard chewing in my roof. I didn't/couldn't really do anything about
it, and so the chewing continued. I walked into my hut a while back and
saw dirt all over my clothes. I looked on the ground and a almost a
5lbs piece of dirt chillin on my flood. The termites had eaten through
my roof and dirt fell through. Termites also ate a mirror frame of
mine, and some of Matthew's clothes, and some of the missionaries books,
and food, and houses...these things just don't stop, they do more and
more damage, and eat more and more things. I realized this is how it is
in my walk with Christ. There are things that consume me. At first
they don't do much damage, and so I don't do anything about them, but
them one day I find a dirt clod in my heart. I have termite mud as my
faith, and though it's strong on the outside, the inside is hollow. I
don't know what kind if things are eating at you today. Maybe it's your
marriage, family problems, health, stress, school, music, temptations.
Whatever it is, don't let it consume you. Unlike the termites here,
there is a way to get rid of these problems. It will take work,
patience, and faith in God, but He can heal your termite infested heart,
and give you a new heart of flesh. Won't you ask Him?

This Is Why I'm Here

The kids here are so cute! All white people (non black people) are
called Nasara, and whenever I pass people all over will yell
"NASARA!!!". When I first got here it really bothered me...and actually
it still bothers me, but over time the kids have learned my name, and I
can always tell when I'm close to home, because I hear little voices
calling out my name from all directions. Whenever I hear it I get this
feeling of home. I feel appreciated and loved, it's an amazing
feeling. Just this week a little 2 year old boy named Arture was
calling my name. "Dani, Danio, Danio!!! Guba!!!" He was calling me
over to him, but since I was a ways off and on my way to work I told him
to come to me, that way we could meet half way, but he just stood
there. So I kept on walking, and that's when I heard crying. All of a
sudden, this cute little 2 year old boy was running to me crying! When
I walked over he just wanted me to hold him...that's it. So simple,
just to be held, but that's all he wanted. I felt so loved and wanted
at that moment. It's easy to feel that way here. Everyone and their
mom will give you the time of day here. If I want something at the
market, everyone wants to give it to me, or help me find it, or just
watch me, but there's something different when a little child needs
that, something amazing about it. It's these kids that I tell stories
to every week. I tell them the miracles of Jesus, and how He wants to
work in each of our lives if we just ask Him into our hearts. Each
time, they silently listen, some of them hearing these stories for the
first time. After the stories we sing Bible songs that will teach them
different lessons, and that brings many smile and laughs. The kids have
something special, and I realized why God wants us to be like little
children, it's because they accept people easier, love easier, and bring
so much joy to their parents, especially their Father. So much praise
comes from these kids, so many songs, and so much laughter.
I went to visit a village 8 miles away, and on the way back, Lyol, the
missionary's 3 year old son sang "Jesus Loves Me" for 15 minutes. He
had his head on the window just singing it over and over again. It was
so precious. He was singing praises to God without even knowing it. I
was able to sing praises this week with some other kids too. Two days
ago my 6 year old brother didn't come home from watching the soccer
match at the market. Right when the kids told me this my 10 year old
sister and I set out to find him. I was actually a little surprised
that the family was wanting to go out and look for him, most families
here don't care where their kids are or when they come home. I didn't
realize that he was watching the game at the market, but after walking
over a mile, I realized it wasn't close. We went to grandma's house to
look for him, and finally stopped to rest at Uncle's house. When I got
there there were 4 people laying on mats, but within minutes there were
over 30 kids just standing and sitting, all staring at me. Well, I
thought I should use that time productively, and as much as I love
looking at myself too, I decided to start singing songs. We sang songs
about God for almost 30 minutes! It was so nice. One girl who goes to
the Adventist church wanted to sing "Jesus Loves Me" in English, and
even though she didn't really know what she was saying, and she couldn't
pronounce half of the words, but she sang her heart out with bad
pronunciation. The songs here don't have a nice tune, or even any tune,
but God doesn't say make a beautiful tune unto the Lord, He says make a
joyful NOISE to the Lord. Let me tell you, they are very good at making
noise! After we finished singing, one boy asked if we could pray, and
after our prayer, they asked if I was coming tomorrow! It was so nice!
It brought me so much joy, and I know that God was looking at this small
place of worship and was glowing with pride. After I left Uncle's
house, we continued on to the market in search of my brother. My sister
and I were accompanied by two neighbor boys and we finally found the
rest of my family by the Catholic church by the market, but still no
sign of my little brother. There were 12 of us out looking for him two
miles away from home. We got a call though a few minutes later that he
had made it home safely. It was a long, hot walk back, and when we made
it home, my little brother was met with some slaps, but he was safe.
This is why I'm here. Not necessarily to go out looking for lost little
brothers, though I do that to, but to be with the kids, to be with the
people here. I have been able to see these kids, and spend time with
them, and love them, and sing with them, and they are so amazing! The
Bible stories every week by my house, the night out with the 30 kids
singing praises to the Lord, and Lyol singing his praises to God, what a
blessing. This is why I'm here, and I'm sure gonna miss it.

Pray for Iri

There's an SM here in Tchad from Porto Rico, and she just got here about
6 weeks ago. While in Ndjamena she got a stomach bug and was having
problems from the first day here. After that she got a nasty cold, and
three weeks after being here she got malaria. She took quinine and it
actually wasn't too bad for her at all. She was walking 15 minutes to
the hospital everyday, eating food, she was doing pretty good. After
the first malaria round she had a bit of a cold again, but was pretty
normal. Eight days later she was in the hut throwing up and having some
crazy diarrhea and was finally put on IV quinine. Now I would just like
to point something out about quinine...it's bad. Symptoms of this drug
are loss of hearing, ringing in the ears, lowered blood sugar, loss of
appetite, diarrhea, vomiting, dizziness, confusion, nausea, and I think
some people have hallucinations. So anyways, with that said, she was
put on IV quinine. Throughout the first nigh, the vomiting and diarrhea
wouldn't stop, so they put her on parasite medications as well. She
finally made it through one of the worst weeks of her life and was done
with quinine. Well, I am sad to say that as I write this blog, she is
laying on a hospital bed beside me on IV quinine once more. 8 days
after her last quinine, she got malaria again. The Dr. actually thinks
that her body's not working well with the quinine, and that she keeps
having a relapse of the sickness. Either way, she's lost 20lbs, and has
had her faith tested through this trial. This isn't just a small bug,
some vomiting and diarrhea, this has been weeks of sickness and no
relief from the pain, nausea, and malaria. Through all of this though,
she keeps telling me that God will be glorified through this, and that
no matter what happens, she wants to praise God before the storm ends.
She's been reading the book "God In Pain", and she'll tell me the
different things she reads, and that going through this right now has
made her see a little more of what God went through, and what people go
through when they follow God's call sometimes. She's told me that she's
been struggling a lot with God and why He would bring her here to only
be sick the entire time so far, but God is good, and He has helped her
through all and will continue to help her through all. She wants to
give God glory before she's better, and before things are back to
normal. She wants to praise Him for what He will do in the future, even
if that means struggling through this. She will most likely be leaving
this next week, right now her body is too weak. But please continue
praying for her while she finishes another week of quinine, and pray for
her strength, both in body and in Christ.